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Feeling down. Haven't been feeling fine the past week.
Firstly, I felt I wasn't getting the respect I deserve in my relationship. When we finally got to "chat online" about the state of our relationship, I unravelled more problems. My opinions, views, suggestions, words of concern, though appreciated, are not welcomed in this relationship. I am instead deemed to be naggy and interfering.
I realise I am viewed as an angry woman whose any attempt to talk about the problems that exist is considered as "picking a fight" or "an attack". I also come to realise that I should not expect to be coaxed or pacified when I get angry and/or upset. Instead, I should calm down or cool down by myself.
And when I achieve that, the relationship will then resume its normalcy. Life will go on; problems should not be further discussed because my partner does not like to talk about problems.
My partner also does not believe in changing oneself to suit the other in a relationship. One should be allowed to be him/herself naturally. Therefore, there is no need to discuss problems. You just have to get over it, accept it and move on.
Here's the problem. I am not a talkative person, but I can be vocal if the occasion calls forth. I have strong beliefs in the importance of communication in my relationship. My partner has to be someone with whom I can share my views and opinions with. Therefore, when I am snapped at and told I am naggy and interfering when I'm expressing my concerns, views or suggestions.. for a moment I am bewildered. Hurt and indignancy then subsequently settles in. I feel like I have been deprived of my rights.
My partner doesn't like to talk about problems. She doesn't believe in talking. And ultimately, that is what I'm most uncomfortable with. It saddens me to know that there seems to be no room for discussion when a problem surfaces.. I am expected to get over it myself and find a way to accept the way things are and will always be. I don't want to have to beg and cower for a chance to talk about problems, this is not what I want in a relationship.
What my partner wants is to have a happy, lovey-dovey relationship where there are no quarrels, no fights.. where no temper flies and anger subsides as fast at it arises. I would love that too.. and perhaps that is possible in some other relationship with someone else. But I have to be realistic and say that it's not going to happen with me. I am definitely someone with a temper, and I hold strong views about how certain things should and should not be. I want a happy, positive and fulfiling relationship where there is mutual respect, where we can communicate and talk about problems as they come.. not sweep them under the carpet and carry on the perfect masquerade.
Feeling lost and helpless now. Emotionally drained also. If I go along with her, she's already there waiting for me.. to carry on the relationship as if nothing has happened. But deep down, there will be this nagging feeling that will bite at me and eat me up. I want to talk, not "chat online". I want to be assured that in the future when problems continue to surface, when differences arise, we will be able to talk about them and not be left wondering, pondering over if I can bring the issues to the table.. or would I have to force my way thru' to lay the cards out.. or would I have to drain myself of all emotions and pretend nothing has happened?
This is my dilemma. What goes on from here from now? Do I have the courage and persistence to insist on an answer now? Or do I stick my guts out and hang on.. and see what happens the next time a new storm whips up?
I don't know.
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tags : personal | relationship | respect | fight |problems | partner | dilemma | temper | communication |
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